Letting Go

I have been thinking about what it means to “let go”.  But ‘letting go’ became an issue only recently, when my brother died. I am only now coming to grips with what ‘letting go’ has come to mean to me. It means not only knowing that he will never be on the other end of the phone sharing a story or a thought with me, but much more it means letting go of the possibility of all the joy we would have shared in the years to come. It means letting go of the fun we would have had In other words, letting go means foregoing the thought of a future shared with someone who knew me better in many ways than I knew myself.

I do not recall any need to ‘let go’ of my parents. They had lived long lives. They had used up their years, and illness and decline made their deaths seem a logical conclusion. But when a younger person dies, with them die hopes and plans, dreams and designs, maps and schemes that will never be fulfilled, never be brought to fruition. There are thoughts that will go unshared, good that will go undone, ideas lost.

There are so many times in life when letting go is just about the hardest thing that we can ever imagine doing. What ‘letting go’ means is different for every person, and for every situation. My mind and heart tell me that letting go is a necessary part of living, of going forward: I am making room to embrace the gratitude that I feel for the time we shared in this world. I am grateful that there was a person in my life who grasped the essence of who I am in the most fundamental way possible, and made me feel like that was just fine.

With the realization that ‘letting go’ makes room for new things, opens up the space for new joy and new plans, I see that the time it has taken me to let go has been well spent.