Navigating My Journey

I have been “at sea” for the last six months or so--at sea without an oar or any navigation equipment. And on New Year’s Eve, my ship was dashed against the rocks, when my beloved brother died. I have wandered around for the last month, wondering how to get back on the track of my life. Since my chosen field is coaching, and since my focus is living appreciatively, I have felt for the last month as if I were floundering around without a life jacket.  How could I appreciate life again when I was grieving for someone so very dear to me? Where would I again find someone who shared my memories, and understood so well what and who I was all about? Who would I save up funny stories to tell that had a point or a lesson that we both recognized?

This morning, I woke up with my answer to those questions. Only I can navigate my journey ahead. So often we look to others to create our happiness. If only my partner were more understanding, more fun, more adventurous; or if only I had the perfect job, or if only I had enough money, or a clearer direction in life. Then happiness could be mine, and I could live appreciatively every day. But life will always throw stuff at us that is hard to deal with, because this is the nature of living: the good with the bad. And finding something to appreciate in bad times is my way of navigating the journey. That doesn’t mean that we live turning away or denying that bad stuff happens. It means finding the kernel of good that we can take away.  So yes, my brother is dead. Someday, I fervently hope that I will see him again, whole and healthy, but for now, I am back to navigating with instruments. My instruments tell me how grateful I am to have been blessed with a brother I could love and respect through thick and thin. They also direct me to appreciating that my brother is no longer suffering, and that he was happy and satisfied with his life, so much so that he told me if given the choice, he’d “take the same deal again”.

I am not quite sure where this maritime metaphor came from as I am not a sailor, and actually get quite seasick, but even though my navigation instruments have become a little rusty, I am in the process of cleaning and repairing them, and getting on with my journey, because after all, I am responsible for my own journey, and whatever shores I land on will have their own difficulties and triumphs.  It is up to me to find them with a  grateful outlook and an appreciative heart.