Life isn't fair, but it is good

Some time back, Bob forwarded to me a list of life lessons that a columnist, Regina Brett, of the Cleveland Plain Dealer had written. It is a list of the lessons taught her by life. Some are better than others, or more pertinent to one time of life than another, but all are worth being reminded about. I thought I might use some of these life lessons as jumping off places to write about. I almost don’t know where to begin, because the wisdom contained in each short sentence is so important to take in and use. Right now, when I am beginning to be—or at least look like—who I use to be, it is useful to be reminded of the simple truths that make life easier and more worthwhile. We might as well start at the top, so here goes: #1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. Do you find that to be true? I look around myself and see how my life has changed in the last six months and I want to cry out “it isn’t fair”, the phrase I remember hearing so often from the children I had dealings with over the years as a parent, a scout leader, and a teacher. That phrase used to make me grit my teeth. What is fair? The last few years of my life have been extraordinarily difficult and filled with loss. Some days I feel such sadness, but on balance, even if we would not choose precisely the same path, or make exactly the same choices, can you say that life is good? I can. I am sure that in the fairness department, I have ended up on the plus side. I am a great believer in appreciative living, and research has shown that gratitude is vital to well-being. I wish that I could say that I kept up my gratitude journal while I was in the midst of diagnosis and treatment for cancer, that I found the time and the heart to appreciate that something could be and was being done for me, to preserve my health and my life, and to give me years to look forward to. But I am only now coming out of the dark tunnel where I found myself. Making a decision to be positive, to think appreciatively, and to feel gratitude can take you into a new state of being. I am often curious about the people who walk in the park when I do, hurrying through their exercise regimen and never noticing the smell of the newly cut grass. With their headphones fit snugly into their ears, they cannot hear the songs of birds. I suppose that they can appreciate the music they listen to, or the newscast or commentary they are hearing, but I wonder about all they are missing. For me, the things that G-d, or Nature, or the Universe (take your pick) has provided are things for which I am unendingly grateful. And in addition, it is open to all to appreciate and to allow to enhance our lives if only we will take advantage of it. So while life may not be fair, it is good. It helps to remember that.

New experiences

The past two days have provided me with two wonderful experiences that I have enjoyed thoroughly, and have made me thoughtful as well. On Sunday, my daughter invited some of her friends to come and meet us for the first time. Since she lives in the city and we live further away, we do not get the opportunity to meet her friends as readily as we once did. The friends came, bringing good cheer and fun with them, and it was a pleasure to learn what they were doing and thinking. We are less exposed to the opinions of younger people and it is fascinating to see and understand how they think. It is also somewhat disconcerting to see how different things are today than they were when we were their ages. Our generation married younger, we were more on our own, more independent, more grown up. This generation, gen X and Y are extending their youth far longer than we did, and perhaps that makes sense if they are going to live to more advanced ages. The group that I met were interesting, actually fascinating, and interested in their world and creating a better place. Were we more self absorbed, interested in getting ahead, making money rather than making a mark? Comparisons are fruitless, I have decided, since the times were so different then. Each generation has to play the hand they are dealt, and that is just what this one is doing, and what we did as well. To our delightful guests, I thank you for a most pleasurable day. My other new experience came today, when I attended my first ever Qigong class. I had no idea what to expect, and was pleasantly surprised to find that there was a knowledgeable leader, sweet of face and kind of disposition. The guided imagery brought me back to my childhood, a carefree and happy time, and helped me to feel surrounded by love. The tears that came unbidden were necessary parts of the healing process, I think. I will now do some research on the process to find out more about it. I have finally come to the place in the process of my recovery where I feel a need to take better care of myself, and this was the way I began. It was a good beginning.

I'm back

I’m back—7.15.14 I am learning what it is like to have ADD! Lately, my mind darts around, landing on one thing and then another, knowing that I need to catch up on all the things that have gone by the wayside since the end of January, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and all hell broke loose. The first thing I want to express is how grateful I am to the people who have helped me through the fear and terror of diagnosis, surgery, complications, and finally encouraging me when I sought second opinions and decided to make drastic changes in my care. My family, both immediate and extended, provided me with the bedrock of love and support on which I was totally dependent. They made me feel that I was never alone in decision making, in difficult choices, and even in finding something funny in all the bad stuff to laugh about. My dear friends remained close and caring, helping me to know that I was loved and never forgotten. My children helped me to know that there was a future to aspire to, to see them settled and happy and successful, and my husband helped me with his understanding of the things that were not necessarily rational, but important to me nevertheless, and was often able to put aside his own needs in order to meet mine. For now he has put aside his dreams of traveling, because I need to feel safe and secure here at home. I need the loved and familiar around me, and I need to slowly find the parts of my “old” self that are to be found, and to learn to let go of the parts that cannot be regained. My community, which honored me with their Los Merecidos (meaning “the deserving ones) Award, helped me to remember that I am part of something much greater than just myself, and that the tradition of service that was handed down to me from my parents and grandparents makes me part of a chain that deserves to be extended, so knowing that there is still work ahead to be done, I can concentrate on others rather than just myself. And to the medical community that has cared for me, done their best to provide good and appropriate care, I am also grateful. So to all the people in my life who have helped me back to life, back to laughter, back to thinking of others, back to the mundane things in all are lives that are so precious only when the threat of loss is imminent, I offer you the gratefulness of a very full heart. I hope that I will not leave you for a long time, and that I will become the productive member of society that I have always meant to be.