I'm back

I’m back—7.15.14 I am learning what it is like to have ADD! Lately, my mind darts around, landing on one thing and then another, knowing that I need to catch up on all the things that have gone by the wayside since the end of January, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and all hell broke loose. The first thing I want to express is how grateful I am to the people who have helped me through the fear and terror of diagnosis, surgery, complications, and finally encouraging me when I sought second opinions and decided to make drastic changes in my care. My family, both immediate and extended, provided me with the bedrock of love and support on which I was totally dependent. They made me feel that I was never alone in decision making, in difficult choices, and even in finding something funny in all the bad stuff to laugh about. My dear friends remained close and caring, helping me to know that I was loved and never forgotten. My children helped me to know that there was a future to aspire to, to see them settled and happy and successful, and my husband helped me with his understanding of the things that were not necessarily rational, but important to me nevertheless, and was often able to put aside his own needs in order to meet mine. For now he has put aside his dreams of traveling, because I need to feel safe and secure here at home. I need the loved and familiar around me, and I need to slowly find the parts of my “old” self that are to be found, and to learn to let go of the parts that cannot be regained. My community, which honored me with their Los Merecidos (meaning “the deserving ones) Award, helped me to remember that I am part of something much greater than just myself, and that the tradition of service that was handed down to me from my parents and grandparents makes me part of a chain that deserves to be extended, so knowing that there is still work ahead to be done, I can concentrate on others rather than just myself. And to the medical community that has cared for me, done their best to provide good and appropriate care, I am also grateful. So to all the people in my life who have helped me back to life, back to laughter, back to thinking of others, back to the mundane things in all are lives that are so precious only when the threat of loss is imminent, I offer you the gratefulness of a very full heart. I hope that I will not leave you for a long time, and that I will become the productive member of society that I have always meant to be.