Special Needs, Who?

My experience as a kid, a nurse, a teacher, a parent, and a coach tells me that every kid ----no-- every person, every family, is a special needs family. The evolution of educational theory has brought us to the place where we talk about families with a special needs kid, and if we are not in the category, we breathe easier.  But let me tell you that we are all in that category, because it is not only the family with an autistic kid or an Asberger’s kid that has special needs, it is also the family with a gifted kid that has special needs, and the family of a prize winning athlete as well. Families where one of the parents’ travels have special needs, and single parent families have special needs. Families who have kids in the middle of the spectrum might have a parent with a job that creates special needs. Sometimes even a commute, or a sick grandparent or a hobby or a volunteer commitment creates special needs. And yes, the special needs of an ADD or ADHD child may be more worrisome than the needs of an intellectually gifted child, but they are equally time-consuming and concerning to a parent.

The big question here is this: when one member of a family has special needs, how are the other members being served? Is Mom getting the time she needs? Is Dad? It is easy to get caught up in the special attention that is required, and not so easy to see that the kid, or even the parent who is just cruising along and taking care of business every day is perhaps not talking about it, but in need of something special as well. It’s easy when exhaustion sets in to concentrate on problems to be solved, and that’s why we see so many families becoming problem-solving entities.  We know that systems move in the direction of what they study, and when families focus on the problems, much of what works best for the family, the positive core, is diluted.